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SPOILER ALERT!

Ten Ways To Master Virtual Colonoscopy Without Breaking A Sweat

I received the best birthday present ever this week a person could say I ordered it for myself. It was my first colonoscopy, the disruptive, yet critical examination of the large intestine or colon. The results were negative. No cancer, no polyps. Clean as a, er . . . whistle. Sorry, it's hard to write on this subject. As you can imagine, I've only talked about this topic with a few good friends.


Now that the ordeal is over, however, I feel a sense of obligation to discuss it. I imagine it's the same type of obligation Katie Couric felt when she lost her husband to colon cancer some three years back. Couric planned to help educate your public by having her next colonoscopy done on live television.


The least I will do is post a blog about my experience.


Communicating about my colon is not really easy, but dying of colon cancer is much harder. The colon and rectal area is a difficult topic of conversation even under extremely circumstances. The large intestine is the darkest organ in that barefoot running doesn't receive the copious amounts of attention we give other body parts such as cardiovascular or stomach.


We worry on which our hair looks like and whether we have circles under our eyes. We're serious about the extra flesh at our waistlines, if not concerned enough to find a solution. Few of us think about the colon, however, let alone talk about it's. But, if you really want to manage yourself, keep tabs on the darkest body.


Colon cancer usually develops from polyps, so the goal is to discover and deal i'm able to polyps earlier than later. Over 90% of people who get colon cancer are over fifty five. Many have neglected themselves by developing a sedentary lifestyle or bad eating practices.


In general, cancer occurs when healthy cells become altered, but that's not what causes consumption to finally speak about their colon. In fact, many we have colon cancer for years before they even know it. Eventually, changes in bowel habits, bloody stool, persistent cramping, gas or abdominal pain sends them together with a doctor, who normally has to bite his tongue, knowing that colon cancer extremely preventable with early detection.


"How do you feel? A little dehydrated?" Nurse Angie of the Rochester Medical Clinic was getting me situated for the exam. The clinic has seven doctors who see ten to fifteen patients each.


"How could I be dehydrated?" I teased. "You forced me drink 64 ounces of Gatorade." The Gatorade was mixed with 238 grams of Miralax powder. Allow me to go on record as saying absolutely nothing is "lax" about Miralax. It was quite a few Fleet Phospho-soda, however, that really cleared the pipes. The idea is to notice the colon clear completely clear of solid waste material, so the doc can get a better look.


"How much do you weigh, Michael?"


"I weighed 163 before yesterday, but I've been via a lot in will establish 24 hours."


The day prior to an exam I was allowed to eat breakfast, but that's all. I had nothing to eat or drink, but water and some chicken broth for 25 hours or so before the evaluation. I never got hungry thanks to the distracting effects belonging to the laxative.


Nurse Betsy seemed very pleased which was getting a colonoscopy only days before my 50th birthday. "You're on schedule!" she beamed. Whatever makes her happy.


Dr. Dennis A Dahlstedt's business card shows that he's an M.D. of Gastroenterology, but can also be a stand-up comedian. I met him about 30 seconds before we became, er . . this. intimately acquainted. Sorry, this is hard to mention.


Have you seen the funny prostate exam in Fletch where Chevy Chase interrupts himself to sing, Moon River, when the doctor slips him a digit? Well, Medical professional. D. is apparently fond of the Damon Wayans/(Dr.) Lou Rawls TV skit because Dr. D. actually sang, You'll Never Find (Another Love Like Mine), while i was going experiencing. I swear to you, it's the last thing I heard before I was euthanized.


So, while individuals have trouble talking about the colon, apparently enjoy singing about it.


The anesthesiologist put me out using a terrific drug called "Propofol." I was unconscious very quickly and recovered faster than I do from Dramamine, so later, I sought a six pack of Propofol to try.


I caught a glimpse of the colonoscope, a lariat made from black plastic that looks a bit like PVC tubing. The tube is about as thick regarding index finger, if you'll pardon the variety. The hose was approximately four feet extremely.


Talk about an all-in-one tool! The Swiss Army knife has nothing on the colonoscope. The business end of the tube is a camera. A dial at the opposite end makes the camera move. The tool has the capability to irrigate the colon. It has a forceps, if you can believe it, and a snare or "noose" to clip and collect polyps. The colonoscope also boasts a light to illuminate what might work darkest human body.


I'm told the colonoscope is sterilized for about sixty minutes after every use.


After the procedure, Dr. Dahlstedt discovered see me inside the recovery area. He was quite very happy with my test results and my compliance as a affected individual. "Great prep job!" he exhorted. "Like Artesian well water in it!"


Struggling with the analogy, I asked Dr. Dahlstedt what he thinks of colonic cleanses and the like. "Ridiculous!" he said. "Totally unnatural! You don't hear about squirrels in the woods giving themselves enemas, do you will?"


He had an exceptional point, but Checked out never heard of one's squirrel paying $1,000 to have someone shove a camera up his bottom. That's not exactly natural, either.


"One more question, Doctor, what's solitary pilot is a best thing I can do to cure my colon?"


"Eat vegetables," he stated. "See you in about ten a long time."


In ten years, researchers may perfect the new "virtual (non-invasive) colonoscopy," but don't postpone your review. If you're over 50, schedule your exam right away. Share this article with someone over 60. I know it's hard, but talk tends to make.


Socrates said how the unexamined life isn't worth living. Well, a colonoscopy is actually examination that helps ensure a person goes on living.


I'm going out tonight to enjoy. Gonna have a cocktail. And vegetables. What about a mojito.